It's a brilliant morning. The sun is burning off the night's frosting rapidly and causing shadows long and dramatic. I'm listening to Chopin's piano music and enjoying my coffee and the beautiful light. Tabitha is again in and out this morning, and is full of purpose. We had an event last evening that has her a good deal stirred up. A strange cat appeared at the glass doors in the dark. When Tabitha saw it, there was a visceral reaction from her of deep growling outrage. The poor little creature looking in hung on for a bit, pathetically hopeful. He looked like a tom to me, with long hair and a gorgeous white tuxedo against luxurious black fur. I told Tabitha, I thought him quite attractive and she shouldn't just dismiss him out of hand! I didn't allow Tabitha to go out and chase him, as I wasn't sure who would get the better of the other. But I did put out a little dry cat food, in hopes he/she would find something to eat and maybe give my home another chance. If it is a male, I think Tabitha would be more likely to accept him. Another female would definitely not be accepted. He/she might belong to a neighbor, and even though neighbors are quite a ways away, a kitty cat is not beyond travelling some distances in the night to see what one can see. So this morning, Tabitha has NOT forgotten the stranger at the door and she is out there looking for him/her I'm sure. I think another cat would be good for Tabitha, but she is not so sure about this. It IS up to her. If the stranger endears himself to her, then he get to stay. Otherwise, all bets are off. This is Tabitha's home. First come first serve....

I have one more day of the antibiotics. They are not sitting well with me, giving me upset stomach and making me very tired. Most people do not have reactions to antibiotic, but if there's one to be had, I will have it. And sure enough, that was on the list of effects when I looked it up. So I didn't feel well enough to paint. I went up there, but realized it would not have been good for me or the paintings, so retreated to the sofa for the day. I took every kind of antibiotic imagineable when I was in the thick of treating Lyme and its accompanying tick diseases, so now any antibiotic is difficult for me. Oh well..just one more day!

The upper pastures are full of wildlife now that the Holsteins are in the barns for the winter. Deer, sometimes scampering after each other and flocks of wild turkey are common sights. They hang most often close to the woods edge, as they are mindful of hunters. But the grass is alluring, as it won't be long before it will not be so readily available and under a deep blanket of snow. I think about the wild life when the winds are blowing and it is 20 or 30 below zero as it sometimes gets here. I would think it would be miserable for them. Nature provides ways for them to survive it seems. Definitely, I would not survive, unless I found a decent cave somewhere and a good bit underground, getting me to the 55 degrees it stays down away from the frost lines.

Vermont basements are useful that way. They can make a house warmer or colder! Because the cellars are basically just holes in the ground lined with stone that hold up the timbers, the upstairs in the old days being separated from the basement with decking of a subfloor and some wide pine boards above that. And often there was no subfloor..depending on how crude the construction was. The 55 degrees in the basement at all times was useful to moderate temperatures in the house in the extremes of winter and summer. I have my decks insulated, in the brick house, and there is insulation stuffed under the oldest part by a former owner. I can't imagine how they managed to get it under there. They would have had to have a very skinny little person crawl under there. Consequently the ell is warm enough in the winter, and in the summer it remains almost frigid from being so close to the ground with no cellar under it. The last owners spent one winter in the place with no insulation and my understanding is by the next winter, they had new windows and extensive insulation put in, that now benefits me.

Tabitha is sitting on the edge of the sofa facing the sliding glass doors. I'm thinking she is expecting the reappearance of the stranger! I've never seen her do this before! I will keep you posted about the social life of kitties at 750 Brainstorm Rd. I will get another cup of coffee and try to get something useful done today, knowing I have one more day of upset stomach and fatigue, but since there is always something to do, filling my time, won't be hard. It's so good to have light today! The skies are absolutely clear! Let's hope that we get some good news today moving our country towards stability and health. These times are refining us, as David my FB friend pointed out. I think he is right. Fires are burning off the dross and leaving the gold. Be patient and hold fast to that which is good. Love one another. Without it, we have failure to thrive.

The Home Fires

It’s that time of year when you begin to turn inward and be contemplative. The fires are welcomed and the light is short in the day time. The lamp light is needed for more hours and the coffee seems more important. My fuzzy bathrobe comforts me. I have work to do, but feel less inclined. I want to linger by the fire and drink my coffee longer. The clouds are promising to break up this morning and give us a sunny day. That will help my present stodgy frame of mind. I see patches of pale blue between the pink and blue clouds and just now, the sun broke through, steaming across the flower beds. I just saw Tabitha streaking across the yard. She then came dashing to the door to be let in. Her fur was standing up on her back. I didn’t see anything. But she is afraid of birds I think..lucky for them. Perhaps in her life, a hawk made an attempt on her life. She’s not terribly big. She’s back at the door again, settling into a crouch and observing the outdoors, safely behind the glass doors.

It promises to be a beautiful day. I am hoping this is the day I return to the studio. Yesterday was taken up with more technology and also some upset stomach from an antibiotic for this tooth problem. I spent a lot of the day on my computer trying to figure things out. I finished an application for a painting commission for the state of Vermont and I had a zoom meeting at 3 which was very informative. Today, I am posting directly on this blog page which in turn will be connected to twitter and facebook. Whew! I’ve learned how to add a photo etc. For some people this would be easy peezy, but for me, it felt like every step was counter intuitive! We are all taking steps forward the best we can in these tumultuous times. It’s unnecessary that they are this way, but then, greed and power have always played an outsized role in humanity’s existence. Like the wild male turkeys and bulls in the deer herds, dominance seems to be a necessity for most males. They have a pecking order and it feels like they have to go to war sometimes to sort this out, while the rest of humanity, mostly women ,children and old people suffer the consequences as collateral damage. We are expected to declare allegience to one side or the other while they massacre needlessly. But I digress. I will spend my time as the bible urges me to..to contemplate all that is good to hopefully overcome the needless cruelty brought about by power and greed.

So I’m back to the fire and its eternal comfort. what a gift, but if not tended carefully can also bring much pain. So it is safely contained in my fireplace and in my wood stoves. I hold my fire so to speak, and point my energies toward beauty today, hoping that it helps to overcome the evil that has been stirred up. Beauty is truth and truth is beauty says the poet.

A Skim of Ice

The pond is frozen this morning. The geese have been gone a couple of weeks. The ice so far, is just a skim. It’s nothing like it will become in a month or so. There is snow on the ground that is more like a dusting of powdered sugar than a layer of icing. Tabitha is still in and out, not understanding the cold and its persistence. She will have a little while longer to be outside but not so very long, as typically there will be snow by Christmas and the high temperature will match the lows at night that we have now. She will get opportunities to be outside in the afternoon with temperatures not so onerous for another week. Rain will unfortunately dampen her willingness to go out, which is in the near term forecast. The world is closing down around us, with winter coming on and the necessity to be so cautious about our personal dealings with the pandemic. I am making plans to live with this, by working on what can be done in the confines of our upcoming circumstances. I’ve been actively looking for someone to help share in the household duties of wood, etc and I may be succeeding in my search. I’ll keep you posted.

The internet has become a huge issue for some unknown reason that ECFiber so far hasn’t solved. They are a victim of the equipment they order and if it is faulty, or doesn’t match older systems, they must wait or reorder, etc. They haven’t figured out yet, why mine is not acting as it should, and hopefully, with another visit this morning, they will figure it all out. I have my old computer back that works with the old monitor and thought I’d be back to work by yesterday afternoon! It was not to be! Between ECFiber’s visit, working on learning about how to use my blog, etc, my need to pick up a prescription in town for the errant tooth, and a phone call appointment at 3 in the afternoon, my day left no time for the studio. Much of my time lately has been taken up with marketing and promotion. It’s really a separate job from the painting. It takes up a tremendous amount of time and is sometimes quite frustrating. But I am plugging away at it, striving to learn new skills at this late date. And the future appears to hold only more endless adjustments and education in technology just to get along.

My sister in law, Stu Egeli, died of a massive heart attack a few days ago. My heart goes out to my brother Peter and his family for this loss. She was the rudder of that family, and ran a tight ship. Much of my brother’s success is owed to her devotion and business acumen. I’ve often wished I had a “wife” too. But relationships are never totally smooth no matter how wonderful the individuals are. A long and happy marriage is rare. You might find long ones, but that doesn’t mean they were happy ones. I think my brother and Stu were very happy on the whole. I’m sure things were not always perfect, but they somehow got through them. The death of someone I know, always turns my attention to being grateful for the time I have to live. It is all so very fleeting. Stu led a good life and did her utmost best. That is a good role model for any human being. Be grateful for what you have and keep going.

In this time of Covid, it is clear that we need each other more than ever, and just at the time, when we simply cannot be together as much as before. It is challenging for so many and it is challenging for me. I think I have a good attitude about all this, but the truth is that it takes its toll, even while protesting it is not! It simply IS hard for all of us. Like the internet for me, the technology I must understand to keep on, the changes in business practices required and in our daily lives of just geting food and necessities, the pandemic has made us make leaps and bounds where we had been able to be more incremental before. For some, it has opened new doors to new opportunities, and for others it has spelled disaster. In my community, I’m heartened by the support people are giving to one another. We are, as a society, undergoing massive changes, whether anyone is aware of this or not. Lots of the joys of being human a few years ago, is no longer that important..like fashion lol! We have become very attached to our comfy clothes in preference to being elegant for the public! Travel is a bygone notion, as is simply eating out or going to a lovely shop. This too will pass, and it is likely we will never be the same after it passes. There will be changes in how we do things that will not return to what it had been. Some of them will be sad losses and others will be welcomed.

We must keep our minds open to finding and taking joy. Joy is often a decision, we are not aware of. It is the act of noticing. When we notice, we tend to appreciate. An artist can make a drawing of a mundane scene and it elevates it, simply by noticing it. The act of drawing and painting a scene will often draw the viewer’s attention to things they hadn’t so much noticed before in the painting. It is the same with writing and also music. It is my JOB to keep on doing this. It is what my life is all about. You don’t have to be an artist who paints, writes or plays music to participate. You just have to notice. These times will require us to do more of this. When we notice, we appreciate and that is love, even if what we notice needs fixing. it is our ideal of what is right and good coming forward. Let that happen. Don’t retreat. The number of things that can be noticed is infinite…said Carolyn to herself!

Bitter cold

The experiment in closing off parts of this very large house for bitter cold weather continues. I have left the heat on in the main house at 58, being concerned that if I turned it to 50, the house would settle into too low a temperature and be harder to heat up again. Everything in the house would be at that temperature, so when the heat is turned back up and as it works to keep the house a certain temperature, it doesn’t just have the job of heating the air, but also of all the objects in the house and the actual walls and timbers as well. Tabitha is not liking the house closed off, and I admit, it’s not my favorite either. She is meowing at me now, up in my face practically, trying to tell me something about this perhaps. Cats hate closed doors. She has started purring when I invited her to share my lap and is now in one of her favorite spots across my arms while I type. It is 17 this morning with a high of 29 and it is snowing. The accumulation is negligible but we must be expecting more as the town truck just went barrelling by. Tabitha was shocked by the cold this morning and only has had two quick trips outside that convinced her that maybe being by the wood stove was best.

I left the gas heat turned up in the studio in anticipation of more work today. Yesterday, I got my beloved old computer back with the old fashioned orifices, so that my ancient monitor still works. I’ve been working from the small laptop screen on some projects and I’m glad to have the 27'“ screen back. I’ve asked Bob Holman to be on the look out for a large screen to replace the old monitor eventually. Now that my camera is now blue toothed to my iPhone, I can send photos. How to get them to my photo app on my laptop is still a mystery. I will email them until I get this figured out. But I do have the old computer which will accept the memory card from the camera, so that works! for now. When I paint portraits, a good deal of it is done from life, but then most people have come to rely on photos, especially when great distances are involved and time is crunched. I’ve gotten used to it, and have adapted to the world as it is. With the Lyme infection of the past, I’m much more cautious about painting outdoors, but will stand by the side of the road and sketch, or if lathered up sufficiently with cedar oil, will venture out into nature. The tick infections made me respect how much damage those little critters can do, so I tend to be a studio painter now, although with decades of Plein air painting well before it became a big thing. I love painting in the studio in lots of ways. It allows me to pursue a painting to a finish that on site often does not afford. And it has given me ample opportunity to exercise my memory and to draw on feelings sometimes one doesn’t have time to indulge on location. In the studio, with steady wonderful light, and glorious music, I am often transported! I have great views out my studio window too, which gives me feelings of loft and inspires me.

I went to the dentist yesterday and was grateful to be told that I’m in pretty good shape for an old lady. The damage done to my mouth is evident from a badly done and probably unnecessary equilibration 46 years ago when in my twenties. It reset my jaw back and put tremendous strain on my teeth, straining to meet each other in the molar regions. He is making a device to wear at night, to reduce the strain and as sort of maintenance thing. The fix would be draconian and expensive. It could be done, but I’m not sure I want to go through it either. For years, dentists have asked me if I grind my teeth. I didn’t.( I don’t think they believed me when I tried to tell them what happened.) The dentist did the damage so many years ago. What a mess.

Tonight will be even colder the weather says. And then it will get slightly warmer again. We are descending haltingly into winter sometimes and diving into it other times. My neighbors who were just summer folks are opting to live here now. The deciding factor were grandchildren in upper state NY. Florida would be too far away. It’s nice for me, as I will have them all winter. Their 70 acres is at the back of my 134 acres and the road to their off grid lovely home bisects my farm almost right down the middle. I might get out my snow shoes this winter! even though they will keep the road plowed. It is a town road, but is a road the town only keeps up with drainage, and not snow plowing. I have trails through the woods from logging a few years ago, and if the snow is deep enough, will make wonderful adventures to get out of the house in a pandemic.

I intend to paint more snow this winter. I do think it is a natural treasure the memory of which we might treasure. I’m hoping that Americans wake up to the urgency of saving the planet for future generations of not just humans but nature as we know it. Even though being grateful in itself, is almost a luxury, I intend to keep trying. it's how I know to keep going and to stay positive. Faith (confidence? is the SUBSTANCE of things hoped for, AND the EVIDENCE of things unseen.

Tonight will be even colder the weather says. And then it will get slightly warmer again. We are descending haltingly into winter sometimes and diving into it other times. My neighbors who were just summer folks are opting to live here now. The deciding factor were grandchildren in upper state NY. Florida would be too far away. It’s nice for me, as I will have them all winter. Their 70 acres is at the back of my 134 acres and the road to their off grid lovely home bisects my farm almost right down the middle. I might get out my snow shoes this winter! even though they will keep the road plowed. It is a town road, but is a road the town only keeps up with drainage, and not snow plowing. I have trails through the woods from logging a few years ago, and if the snow is deep enough, will make wonderful adventures to get out of the house in a pandemic.

I intend to paint more snow this winter. I do think it is a natural treasure the memory of which we might treasure. I’m hoping that Americans wake up to the urgency of saving the planet for future generations of not just humans but nature as we know it. Even though being grateful in itself, is almost a luxury, I intend to keep trying. it's how I know to keep going and to stay positive. Faith (confidence? is the SUBSTANCE of things hoped for, AND the EVIDENCE of things unseen.

Snowy thoughts

Shared with Public

I slept in this morning..all the way to 7:15 am and took my liesurely time getting down to the coffee pot to turn it on and to the wood stove to stir the embers and fill it with fresh wood. Tabitha went out immediately and has been going in and out for the past hour. She is in and out, in and out..not being able to make peace with the fact it is snowing and cold out there is my guess. I could certainly use a cat flap for her, but since I don't have a dog, critters I would not invite into the house would surely also use it. So I get my exercise hopping up and down to the glass sliding door to let her in and out, each time of course, being an emergency in Tabitha's mind. We won't get much snow this morning, but it is on its way eventually in a few weeks, if past years are any indication.

The grass is still green, but thatched and patched with brown and tan grasses from the fall's freezes. Last night was well below freezing and tonight is calling for a low of 19, and tomorrow night a low of 16. The pastures are empty of Holsteins but full of deer. Flocks of wild turkeys occasionally pass through. The pond seems quiet for the most part. The stillness is almost a foreboding forecast of the blankets of white to come, as if nature is already prepared for the long siege of winter. I'm grateful for the merry and comforting creaking of the wood stove, broadcasting its heat out into the room. The little convection fan on the top of the stove, hums away too.

I worked in the studio yesterday for only a short time. The gas heater needed to be turned up to get up to the studio area and it takes a while. My thumbs are already complaining about loading wood, so I'm probably going to rely more on oil and gas this winter than I had hoped. I am waiting on the way to open up before me, to show me what wisdom I need to employ to solve this problem. Heat is an issue in Vermont that is commonly on everybody's mind that lives here. Sometimes I think I over think things..but that is the way I am. I'm usually pro-active and sometimes that becomes a waste of energy and time. It may be better just to let things be and see what happens instead....Turn the heat up, and just live with it. My hands available in the studio are more important.

Tabitha is laying across my arms while I type. Sometimes she glances around and appears to be gazing at the computer screen. This comfy position will not last long. When she gets sufficiently warmed up after her forays to the great outdoors, she will probably move on. She usually is very interested in my lap when her paws are quite chilled. Her next post is often the big fluffy down quilt on my bed, in which she plops herself and is enveloped. She sometimes gets there before I have a chance to make my bed, on those days I don't make it as soon as I get up...which is most days. So as I predicted, she has just moved on. This signals a second cup of coffee for me and perhaps getting dressed and making that bed. I will go immediately to the studio today and work, as this afternoon I have a dentist appointment. I hate going. To keep my parts working at this point in my life is very important, as I am interested in living a long time. I love life and all it has to offer in every nuanced way it comes at me. I even appreciate the aging part, as it has shown me so much I hadn't thought of before. And it is so common that I feel this way! How many of us, realize so much more as time goes by? And HOW we wish we had had an inkling so much sooner! I realize that the time grows ever shorter for me, but isn't that the way of life? From the moment we are conceived we are on our way to dying! And yet, like snowflakes and crystals, each one of us is a work of art, never to be repeated, our identity fully intact, no matter how many milleniums there be in infinity.

The value of each of us makes the whole (like a blanket of snow!). Appreciating each other and supporting each other is key. Every man for himself is not a principle that works for the success of the species lol! Fear of lack of one thing or another, drives this sad scenario. Working together, is the way we make the whole work AND for our individual success. We are a human family. Yet, we have individual responsibilities. And living up to them is what makes our society work for everyone. Everyone is not capable of this..and it is why often one half takes care of the other half so that all of us are ok. To do this, should not incite resentment in us..it has always been this way. Those unable are not undeserving. Each has their purpose. I'm not exactly clear about why I'm prattling on about this. Perhaps it's the notion of compassion so many are missing right now, and the purpose of compassion and empathy in keeping the human race upright. We need to hold fast to these at this time..or at anytime..if we are to feed the children instead of dropping bombs. If we are to have peace on earth, it is a must. The season is upon us, as the snow blankets the earth again. Perhaps it is the little bit of snow this morning that has brought this on!

November 16, 2020

Today is Dad's birthday. He would be 120 years old today! He died in 1984 and I still cry sometimes missing him. He was my best friend. I could discuss anything with him. He never judged. And he was a wonderful teacher. After a while, I wouldn't permit him to touch my work, no matter how much he was itching to. I didn't think it was right to say I had done it when he had been the one to actually do the critical parts, especially for commission work. He was very patient and explained to me what was needed. Sometimes I was too tender and too scared to listen. He was always careful to say what was good about the work, and then proceed to explain and demonstrate on the side, what I needed to do. It was a teaching model I for the most part, always used myself. Unless a student really wished for me to work on their painting, I would never touch their work without permission. And I always found good things to say about their efforts first. It's the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down. Dad died when I was just 36. It was way too soon for me. He was just a couple of weeks shy of 84. His birthday was November 15, 1900. He was born in Horten, Norway, which is a small village near Oslo. He left home when he was about 15 and became a cook on a square rigger and rose to be first mate by the time he left ship in 1922 to study art in New York. He studied with Miller there and then on to the Corcoran where he met my mother in art school. He paid for his tuition doing professional wrestling on 14th street and described rehearsing to make it more exciting. He was also a gymnast with a specialty in the rings and was in a Norwegian team in NY. He beat the national champion in wrestling in a private match for charity. He built two large sailboats, one 32' that became famous..the Atom and the second of his own design, the Mary Lois, at 53" with bowsprit and slept 8. Both my parents were award winning art students. He established his portrait painting career in Washington DC painting the well heeled and important. My parents had five children, all artists with grandchildren also in the arts.

After I built my house on the farm in Valley Lee in 1975, Dad was a regular for coffee most mornings. We would have long serious discussions. It was either before or after he went to pick up the mail at the post office. We discussed philosophy, politics and art by the hour. I was never bored with a discussion with him. For years as a kid, our "discussions" were actually a monologue by him, but as I became an adult, this changed. We had wonderful times together. How I miss those times still and with lots of alone time with Covid, those memories are even more precious. Sometimes when I'm in the studio working, especially if working on a marine, I feel his presence vividly. Then I am overcome with emotion, and so grateful to feel him with me. He sometimes visits me in dreams which are also very real and like gifts that leave me feeling warmth for days.

So yes, it has been decades since he's gone. It was such a blow to lose him. But I am grateful for the years I did have and that I got as much of him as I did. Lots of children could not say the same. He was always devotedly present for his family. He would rise early in Southern Md on Glebe Farm, drive four hours to Wilmington Delaware to paint DuPonts, in a suit and dress shirt, with a car load of easel and art supplies and return that evening. The next day he would do the same. Countless trips to DC and other surrounding areas were the same. He always came back home at night. No man is perfect and he had his faults, and I sometimes wonder how my mother put up with as much as she sometimes did, but as a father, I will always be grateful for having Bjorn Egeli as my dad.

After the Storm on Brainstorm Road

We are in for a few days of warm weather, but I decided to post a painting of last winter of the road I live on here in Vermont, after a big snowstorm. The light was crystal clear and the snows sparkled with points of brilliant light against blue shadows that reflected the very blue sky of that day. I have advertised this painting in the Woodstock Magazine and have also advertised in American Art Review another painting of old Herreshoff racing yachts of the turn of the century, "The Start". It's part of my plan to try to be a gallery for my paintings from here at my home/studio on Brainstorm Rd. We are looking at another winter with shutdowns. They could be worse than last winter. The studio and house will be open by appointment or chance. Folks are welcomed if they wear masks and are careful.

Mike moved the cows to the pasture right behind my house, so this morning they were up by the fence with the marsh part of the pond down below, and the north pasture rising up behind them. The sun was casting long shadows and the mist hung gently. Snow still covers some of my backyard, but most of the pasture only has a few patches of snow left. In such a short time, the shadows shortened and the mist is burned off, particularly today as it is suppose to be in the sixties! Tabitha is out the door, and even walking on the snow. She definitely has had cabin fever. I am sad that the cows will be leaving in a couple of days. It's time for them to either be sold or go back to a barn for the winter. I will probably open the house back up for the next few days while it is warmer. I will let the wood stove go out too and give my hands a much needed break...already. This has me worried some. If you know someone who would like to home share, I am open to it. They need to be willing to take care of the wood stoves and the wood. No smokers and drinkers please. A tidy person also woud be appreciated.

After talking to others about my worn out body parts, I'm learning this is very common lol! and often for people far younger than me. Fortunately, my hips and knees still work. A bit of neuropathy left over from Lyme disease in my feet, is all that bothers me. I've learned to manage it ok. My hands are a bit delicate also probably left over from Lyme. If I handle too much wood, I could make my thumb do that trigger thing again. That I can't let happen, as I cant paint until it heals. So I'm careful. Things could be worse! I wish my memory was better or that I had the mental capacity to focus in on technological problems. Those things drive me bonkers, making my guts twist up in inpatient exasperation! But this is the way of the future! It's not just the future, IT IS NOW!! So like it or not, I have to adjust or be left behind.

One way or another, our country will move through this period. A friend just called and said in her county, the Trump/Pence signs are mostly taken down. Most people are NOT interested in a fight. We just want peace. People are just trying to survive. So my advice to the world for what it's worth, is, the same as always. Fear drives hatred and division. Perfect love casteth out fear. We are not each other's enemy. Not at all.

Tabitha knows winter is coming

Tabitha is irritated with me this morning and I think it has to do with her food. She even took a swipe at me, lashing out without provocation! I thought she had lost her mind! Perhaps she knows winter is coming! I responded to her with some outrage myself. I do my best! Even the best of room mates can sometimes get angry. Unfortunately we do not speak each other's language and neither of us are mind readers. I had not changed out her cat food yet, I think was the problem. After all, she has paws and no thumbs. Daily, I give her fresh food twice a day, but this morning she had barely touched her food from last night. (She often will finish up the next day). She was eating her dry food and had drank quite a bit of the water in her bowl which I did refresh both dry food and water this morning. Or maybe it was the computer in my lap with no room for her...not sure. I fixed the food problem a minute ago, and she is happily lapping up the gravy in the kibbles. I put less of the Urinary Gold in it, thinking it might have been the problem. Or maybe she's just stir crazy. We'll see how she is after she has eaten. She is not that old in my book, compared to kitties in my life. She is about 13 and seems very healthy. She was making her Pretty Litter blue which very much concerned me. I have corrected her food and she is no longer leaving the wrong color in the litter box. The cat food is not so great. The solutions are difficult too. I keep a variety of cat food on hand, as like any normal creature, one can get bored..or need something different in one's diet. If she's been catching mice, I haven't seen evidence of them lately.

Yesterday, Mike came by to move the cows. I usually invite him to have some pie, cookies or bread pudding which I think he looks forward to some. But mostly we chat about farming and life for a short bit. We watched Tabitha gallop down to the big red barn from the kitchen window under which is the kitchen table. The barn is closed up now, having successfully removed the pigeons. Tabitha was most upset. She first checked it out down low, and then hopped up on the stone fence leading up to the barn to see if it was just as closed up higher. When this was discovered to also be shut up tightly, she wandered to another part of the yard. Her specialty spots are mainly the stone walls, and the gardens. Now the gardens are cleaned up and all that is left are the bushes. One big flowering one is down by the barn, that is huge with some old stones thrown up under it. It is a great place to stalk little critters. I've never seen her catch a bird, thank goodness. She is intent on them, but seems to not have luck with this. She excels with mice and an occasional rat. She is now asleep on a large pillow at the end of the sofa, with a full belly and having visited the litter box as well. She meowed at me after this and greeted me before settling down. Perhaps all is well.

Today might be the day I start the move to the ell. The ice on the pickup is what got my attention. I hate the idea of this whole big place being heated. And with the wood stove back up and burning, the t.v. room is very cozy. It's dark and dreary, which leaves little desire to go to the studio in such low light. I'll start with the kitchen and then move on to the bathroom change. It will take good deal of energy to do, and it will have some side benefits of some cleaning and refreshment of a new start. It's a change of scenery! And it will need to take care of my needs for the next five or six months before I move back to the big house for the milder months. As I've said before, I can open up the big house any time I want for the holidays or guests. Some people go to Florida..I move to the ell. Lots cheaper. It turns out, what I'm doing is very common for old Vermonters. It makes a lot of sense.

It won't be long before the ground is covered in snow. We are expecting less than an inch on Friday night. The first October I lived here, the same thing happened. A tree branch knocked out the neutral line on the power into the house so I had a devestating surge of power, that burned up most of the electric and electronics in the house. I cut down the offending tree, and the power company put new lines to my house. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

It's time to get going in my day. Love your life. Appreciate what you have. It's the key to satisfaction and happiness. Listen to your heart and not your fears.

The Start

Finished! This is called The Start. It is a 36x48 oil on linen.

It's chilly in the house this morning, mainly because I slept late and have the heat turned down...as always. So the fires are late getting going. Also, the little electric heaters have turned out to be anything but efficient..so they got turned off. It is zero this morning. The light is fantastic with clear skies. It promises to be warmer today and even warmer the next two days. For Vermont, this coming and going of temperatures feels like whiplash. The branches are covered in snow and ice, making the landscape look as if it has been sprayed with white icing. My neighbor's red truck just passed by and then another neighbor's pick up too, and it was evident their morning was getting this icing off of their vehicles. My coffee maker has just finished its final friendly gurgle and I will break here to go get some.

The skies have lightened with their usual rosy glow. The snows were bluish and skies above the glow, pale lime greens into cerulean. Now the colors have settled into frosty umbers with streaks of white branches and snowy pastures reflecting the skies, but even lighter than the skies. How can this be possible? It is January 9th, 2020? That's another shocking fact about today! How could it be 2020 already? It seems just the other day I was 50 or 45. I can't say my 30's feel all that close anymore, but surely my middle age didn't pass me by that unnoticed? But it surely did. I don't notice my age so much except when reminded. But the facts are the facts lol! As a woman, holding on to youth is important, because too often it determines one's ability to be safe and valued. I haven't had any "work" done, but it is sometimes tempting, if I didn't have so many other places to put my money lol! It could be said it is vanity, but again, it more about continuing to feel valued and not discounted. I truly don't obsess over it, but most of us just want to feel ok about ourselves and be presentable! I don't blame a woman for trying. Men get away with aging much more easily than women although they have their issues too. Agism is a big thing, especially in these times, when oldsters are still having to work their badoodies off to get by. Otherwise, who cares? My mother used to recite a poem, that applies here I think, as far as aging goes or for that matter anyone in their presentation to the world. "I know my face, it ain't no star, but I'm behind it, so I don't mind it! Tis the fellow in front, that gets the jar!"

Today I will return to the studio. The place is emptier now after yesterday, with four more paintings out into the world in hopes of finding homes. Nothing spurs me on more than this, to not have enough work around I've completed, that satisfies me. It's time to start new canvases and that means new adventures into new ideas. There is nothing like it in the world.

The water is getting better...

Got worn out with the foreground..there is a wake there from the viewers boat, so trying to decide how much to make of it. It’s a common dilemma...in the close up you can see just how rough the painting is. When I put in that last blob of light next to the steam ship, I made it look like it's sinking..will fix tomorrow afternoon. The water will get sorted out I promise. I experimented some this afternoon. Getting quite dark. Snow coming and I’m not fond of electric lights.

I saw some the reason for my poor light when I went out yesterday. I had to go to West Lebanon NH for some errands, which I had tried to avoid, but ended up going anyway. The skies had these strange random wispies of clouds that were feathering out and just enough to change a crisp light to a sort of bleached out light. It makes the edges of shadows murky and the color in the sunshine that's left, muted and pale. I do not believe nor have I believed this is normal in my lifetime. I so miss clear blue skies. They are very seldom any more. So I didn't attempt to see my beautiful maples in deep snow on West St. The snow forecasted for this weekend, is no longer just snow, but a mix. How I hope they are wrong. I don't see a really good snow forecasted until the end of the month. How could they know this, this far in advance? The maple sap taps on my East Granville's family's farm is hard to get to when the snow is not deep enough. This is not normal. If anything could make me a little down, it might be these new normals. I try to not let it get me down, but it is in my face so to speak. I will pivot to something else to distract myself and move along.

My home is in order. The living conditions are cozy and pleasant. My studio is still waiting for me. There is nothing left to keep me out of there except my own reluctance to get involved. It's because I'm not sure of my direction. My good work ethic, is usually enough to overcome my lethargy or lack of direction. It's a balance..as it is not always just a matter of getting to work. There are issues I need to resolve within myself is likely, but it can't last forever and at some point, should just be ignored. Periods of lassitude aren't always predictable. Sometimes patience with myself is in order, so that the wells have time to renew and fill enough to supply me. I have a tendency to push myself. And that isn't always good. It sometimes means paintings are produced that strike me as busy work and that isn't at all a good idea. If I don't work, I feel I am missing the boat! Often it IS simply a matter of being in front of the canvas, picking up the brush and making those first dozen strokes and then I am involved. I'm mostly glad when I do this, because the reward is usually a fresh round of engagement. Sometimes paintings I'm not happy with, hang about and make me feel discouraged about their incompleteness in the satisfaction department. I know that addressing them is the surest way to move forward. I either destroy them, or fix them. I often just paint over them. I hate to waste canvas. It's so darn expensive! And I hate a waste of my own time that created work because I was afraid of wasting time! Paintings that are painted when uninspired, might as well be in the trash. But you still have to make the effort. I find that even the uninspired ones somehow have the ability to take off, as if you don't own them at all. Periods of wonderful production of a satisfying nature are gifts that keep one going. It is why we paint or create. Those wonderful moments are dopamine to an artist's being. No matter the frustrations, the at-one-ment with the miracle of creation, is the elixir that drives us back to our tasks. It is my fond hope, that viewers can connect with that in my works. It is why they would want to have the paintings, connect with that perhaps on a daily basis, and feel affection and a security in their ability to keep on connecting with it, the rest of their lives. I have good work our there right now. My career calls for a steady supply of more paintings that will inspire and be wanted. Knowing that they are wanted and appreciated is a big help of course. Because ultimately paintings are communicators. They are from my heart to yours.

Vigilant and Valkyrie

A new marine I started yesterday .. it is 36x48 oil on linen of the Vigilant out in front and the Valkyrie in the distance. It is “The Start” of a race in 1893.

Two new canvases were stretched yesterday evening. Thank you Todd. They await new ideas....The top of my desk that squawks at me when I pass it by is cleared..thank you Diane. She keeps me in order and keeps my costs down with her many years of experience running her husband's business. My first cup of coffee is dispatched. The fires are up and going for about an hour. So I'm ready to face the new day. There is a thin layer of snow from yesterday so that the upper pasture is not totally bare from the heavy rains a day or so ago. We are expecting more snow soon. We need a good heavy snow. In some cases, access to the mountains for repairing sap lines need deep snow. My paths through the woods still have some very low stumps, so for good snow shoeing and cross country skiing, a good deep snow is best. The weather has acted like spring instead of deep winter. It is in the 20's this morning, and that's not terribly cold. The house and studio are easier to heat because of it. Tabitha meowed at me from the floor just now, requesting permission to be in my lap as I type. She is across my arms now, and I can feel her purr box vibrating. A town dump truck has just passed by with its headlights still bright in the early morning dimness.

Art is often the appreciation of the ordinary. I will sometimes avoid the spectacular when choosing what to paint or even what to write about. I like to paint things that have movement or the possibility of showing movement. I like the painting to be doing something or going somewhere, even if it is just the suggestion of a place to go visually. Telling a story is nice too, but not requisite. Large patterns that have power attrack me too. Light always plays a big role in what I end up painting. Sometimes the lack of contrast is the reason for painting something and sometimes lots of contrast is the big attraction. Color modulations that play against one another of cool to warm, or to show the modeling of an object, captures my fascination. And sometimes, just the subject itself merits a go, such as Ruby or the team of horses. The racing yachts seems to be grabbing me at the moment. I love the light, movement and power of the sailing ships in their harmony with the water and skies. I've gone cold on the interiors for the moment. I am hoping to seat my granddaughters in them soon, and then they will be part of the story of a room..a reason for the story to be told so to speak. As I get on in my life, long gone are the times, when I was satisfied to copy something accurately with some beauty. It is not art to merely copy. Motive has become the most important element. Why would anyone care about a vase of flowers were it not for the beauty discovered there? It is the artist who can suss it out so that the viewer discovers anew why the thing is painted at all! Aha! As we view the colors in the light and shadows of snow in sunshine or the dreary darkness of a cold winter morning. We become aware of the stalwart upward thrusts of maples reaching above their neighbors to the leaden sky with its bare branches full of longing for the skies. How they strive and strain toward what ever light is available! The stories of the common things surround us endlessly is my point. This awareness makes us artists and poets. And the expression of this awareness enriches us and all who notice it. It's why people throng to art museums and libraries. It is the love and celebration of what is. It's a portal to science too. There are few things that inspire like an elegant scientific theory well proven. And that in turn becomes the foundation for loving beauty. We know beauty when we see it, hear it and understand it. Beauty is truth, and truth is beauty..the poet says.

Transformation

I woke up at dawn thinking about painting and what was needed to bring my paintings in line with my ideals, and I thus began a morning focussing on the idea of transformation. It came to me, as I sat in front of the Yotul waiting for the fire to take hold, and watching the light rise over the pastures, that this is what we all are more or less involved in. When I got my hair done this past week, it was all about that lol! You could see the difference, it had been so long! It not only lightened my hair but my spirits as well. Feeling comfortable in the world, and presentable to others is a big thing. T.V. shows are all about the acceptance others need. One of my favorites is Queer Eye, and the loving steps they take each episode to love someone into improvement! They take people right where they are emotionally, and show them, they are wonderful people. I thought about the process of cleaning and how for some unknown reason as a kid, I fell in love with making a place clean and orderly, thereby transforming my surroundings and making it more beautiful and pleasant. I loved to use Windex! Everything smelled like Windex when I was through. A family friend inspired me, as her home was always VERY tidy, and my family home was anything but! But I had also my Aunt Gracie to thank, in whose home I spent great lengths of time, even a year or so with my sister at one point, in Florida, as my sister wasn't well and needed the warmth. Later, when my mother was often absent with work away, Annie the maid, made my world welcoming and warm, when I got home from school, the days she was there. I could smell the bleach of the laundry and the schorching heat from the iron. There was order when I walked in the house and it was an added bonus, when she was frying chicken for our dinner before she left to care for her own family.

The stove finally caught, and the door to it shut. The little convection fan on top began to spin madly. Tabitha had been out on the rockeries. I could see her weaving between the dead plants in the flower gardens, checking out the possibilities. I still pondered away. What had all this to do with my paintings? What a jag I was on! I am always inspired by the dawn, and the changing forms and colors it reveals. The pond rippled in the early breezes and the air was silent with no birds when I brought in extra wood. The greys and umbers of the tree line are fully lit now with massive pink clouds floating by. We expect snow tomorrow. Now that will be a transformation! Each and every painting is an observation of transformation. It's why I guess, it is so exciting to see what will happen. It's like reaching a mountain top as a goal each time. Sometimes I falter part way up, and there's nothing to do, but put one art foot in front of the other. Sometimes I must realize that the idea of that painting is not worth pursuing. It will never reach my ideal of transformation. Because the idea of that painting should make people feel the magic of arriving. It is the physical manifestation of that magic we all need to feel from somewhere, whether it is music, painting, literature or a clean house!

Tabitha is now requiring my lap. She is kneading my sweater and playing havoc with my keyboard and butting her head on the tops of my hands. I am giving in to my little companion. All else will have to wait.

The Gallery

I am ticking off the list of ambitions for this old farm in central Vermont. The studio barn is coming into its own in a big way. When I first got the studio built in the barn loft, I knew I had to get to work immediately to build up an inventory of paintings. I had been sick for a number of years with Lyme and painting was partially on the back shelf, while I restored my health. When I arrived in Vermont, I took a big chance on this old house and farm, and thought I will push ahead instead of going small. I went big. And now it is paying off. I found that Vermont inspired me anew to paint new and different things. And as these paintings came to me, I grew in strength. I am grateful and inspired by other artists also on the FB forum. It has stimulated me to look at their work and efforts and to also share mine. I give a lot of credit to the other artists, who also share fearlessly and are out there working with passion and sound abilities. I'm finding my remote location is not a hindrence but a foundation for beauty and art. It's an effort to move paintings around, but for the process of the art itself, it is most important for this artist.

Yesterday Christa and I hung paintings. It was quite an effort, and I wondered if I was going to get it done. I couldn't seem to find the right location and combination of paintings and designs for the walls to satisfy me. But after a couple of hours of getting wires on frames that were missing, rearranging paintings on the floor by this wall or that, it all snapped together quickly and it only took about an hour to complete. Most of my paintings are large. So the physical effort of getting them down from the studio space and up on the walls was no small thing for two relatively small women. I'm very pleased to now be able to have more floor space in the studio itself, where there are still more paintings that need to get hung, and so everything is not just stacked nilly willy here and there. My standards are impossibly high now. The feel of a painting must hit the mark. I find myself working over some paintings while others are solid out the gate. So paintings must sometimes sit against the wall, until one's vision clears about where to go next with it. Sometimes they simply don't make it. There is nothing like a new painting though! One is full of hope and determination to see how it will turn out. And while you are involved, you can sometimes forget to enjoy the process. I do love the different ways in which paintings develop. Some are noodled into exquisteness while others are built with big timber beams of understanding. The expression meets the viewer where they are. I believe if a painting resonates with me on an honest level, it will for the viewer too and will find a home, sooner or later. Sometimes a painting is out the door in a few months and others linger for years.